An interview with Emily
Think of a guy you rejected. What was his mistake, and how could he have fixed it?
I met a guy on the Internet. We emailed back and forth a few times, started IMing and eventually began talking on the phone. I was new to online dating, but he was not. Once we started talking on the phone he started bringing up meeting in person. I was a little nervous in agreeing to meet, although we did have a lot in common and I did really enjoy talking to him. When I told him that I wasn’t sure I wanted to meet in person, he for the most part threw a fit. He gave me what must have been an hour declaration about how he thought I was the perfect woman for him. He had apparently given it a great deal of thought, to a point that he foresaw us being together forever. Reluctantly, I agreed to meet him in person. We had been talking online and on the phone for maybe a month and he decided at this first meeting to tell me that he loved me.
This guy was very nice. Truth be told, I really did like him. We had a lot in common, and we would have phone conversations for literally hours every night. The problems started to arise when he started telling me how much he cared about me, and especially that he loved me after only talking to me for a month and never really meeting me in person. We could have been together forever, but for me, we needed to be together for a little while at least before any huge declarations of love were going to be made. That much of a declaration early on in the relationship really freaked me out, as it would anyone I imagine.
It’s fine that he felt that way, although perhaps a little scary. A good alternative would have been to show me how much he cared about me rather than tell me so early. Bring me flowers, open car doors, that sort of thing. After a few months he could gradually start telling me how he thought we were perfect together, maybe not all at once. A casual “we like the same pizza”, while we’re eating dinner or “Wow, we have the same taste in movies” while he’s looking at my DVD collection would have been a nice, non-scary way to bring up those things. A one hour declaration before we had even gone out on our first date was way too much, way too quickly and came off more scary than sweet.
Talk about what is attractive to a woman.
Sincerity is the most important thing to me as a woman. If you say I’m beautiful, really mean it -- don’t just say it because it’s what you think I want to hear. I would date a sweet sincere man over an attractive insincere person any day.
What are some of the best ways for a guy to meet women?
I think one of the best ways to meet people is through interest groups and friends. I’ve met a lot of people through an outdoors club I joined, and through a photography group. If you meet someone through one of these groups you automatically know that you have something in common with them, and have something to talk about that you’re both passionate about.
Describe a weird/creepy guy in your life, and what one change might help him.
One of my friends “Bob” works with me. He asked me out the first week we worked together, and when I rejected him he quickly told the entire office. Bob is creepy, but that is just because he seems too hot for anyone and everyone who steps into our office. When he’s rejected he then makes that information public to everyone else. If he simply took the time to get to know someone before he asked them out, and was a little more selective in whom he did ask out, he would be a lot more successful. He’s a nice guy, if he had taken the time to get to know me for a few weeks, and then asked me out to dinner, I more than likely would have said yes. Asking me out in our second conversation ever and then being so public about my rejection was an immediate turn off to ever dating him.