An interview with Shirly
Describe a weird/creepy guy in your life, and how he could do better with women.
There was one who took nerdy to a new level, while unaware of his behavior. We will call this man, Yikes. As in "yikes!", here he comes, "yikes," there he is! And, "yikes" let's get out of here before he sees us.
Yikes was passionate about his toys and the films that he liked. Yikes would sit down in your office and talk for an hour or more about his passions, whether you were working at the time or not. Yikes may come by every day. However, Yikes is unsure of himself and is also unaware that he rambles on from lack of self confidence and what seems to be uncontrollable nerves around women. Yikes is one of the best at what he does and should openly embrace the compulsive toy collecting, science fiction loving, T-shirts that say stuff on them wearing, GENIUS that he is. Any woman in her right mind would enjoy going to lunch or grabbing a cup of coffee with a man as creative as Yikes. But Yikes needed to appear more confident and less nervous around women. No matter how nicely we said, "I am sorry, Yikes, but we have work to do" - he did not get the picture. If only Yikes could recognize that he should ask this person out to lunch one day, rather than rambling on while she is trying to get work done.
Women like men and men like women (if I may say so) who are confident in who they are. Part of having that inner confidence is what steadies us when we are unsure of ourselves. I am not suggesting that a man should be cocky or full of himself, just confident enough to walk into a room, say "hello" without feeling like the only way to this woman's heart is to beat her into submission with an armory of somewhat senseless words.
You recently remarried. How did the first husband lose you?
I met my first husband at the age of 18. After a decade of marriage and little to no sex I had put on roughly forty pounds. In a desperate attempt to be a happier person (I started from the outside and worked in), I met with a nutritionist every week for one year and exercised my ass off while my husband continued to ignore me physically. After a year of dieting I went from a size 12 to a size 6. (Please, hold your applause.) I decided my husband and I needed marriage counseling. We discussed many things in counseling among which was that we should compliment each other every day until we got used to doing so and then the compliments would flow more naturally.
A week went by and I complimented my now ex-husband every day. Then it happened. One day I was taking a shower while he was brushing his teeth - not looking at me through the very clear shower curtain. I marveled to myself (or so I thought) how different my legs were now shaped. He walked over to the curtain and pulled it back as though he was revealing first prize at the county fair and declared, " I know IT'S amazing!"
Needless to say I grabbed a towel and escaped quickly to the bedroom as I raged inside and thought to myself, "that was my first and only compliment this week and I'm an IT!!!??? He said this, as though my body was a science experiment that finally went right." I am not an especially needy woman. I have a career, friends and outside interests, but damn it, how hard is it to convincingly say, "you look beautiful," or "you are so beautiful"!?