An interview with Cindy
Tell me about a time a guy "got it wrong."
I met Mike in a bar. I never go out with guys I meet in bars, especially with the super cheesy pick-up line he threw out, but I thought, hey why not give it a shot. He was daring and confident. Confidence is a quality that I really love in a guy (except when it is confused with arrogance) so I took a chance.
Mike and I decided to meet for a drink after work. The date started off with him running a little late. I decided to let it go. We sat down, ordered drinks and an appetizer and started to chat. The evening was a laundry list of things that shouldn't be said or done, especially on a first date.
How did he screw up the date?
Mike told me about "the one who got away." I was sitting there thinking, is this really happening? Is he really saying this right now? He was. If you are trying to court me please don't tell me that there was someone else who you would prefer to be with.
It continued with other odd comments which included that he didn't agree with "girls nights out." HUGE red flag for me. Most of my best girlfriends live in other areas so we usually do girls weekends. But I think it is important to have those relationships, and that comment came across as very controlling.
Next was the embarrassment of, after almost finishing our appetizer, him sending it back because he didn't like it. It was less than $10 and we had almost finished it. If you hated it so much, you should have sent it back right away. It made him seem cheap.
And then?
Then there was him quizzing me about my knowledge of the neightborhood he lived in and comments about how most girls who find out where he lives think that he has money. What kind of comment is that? Are you trying to make sure I know you do?
And then there was his over-interest in who I was working for at the time. I was working for a very well-known politician and this guy couldn't talk about it enough and even asked me if I could introduce them. I wondered if he was interested in dating me or the person I worked for.
Wow. Describe yourself at the time.
I was 28 when all of that happened. I'm 30 now. I don't know that I was looking to settle down at that point, but I was interested in dating and seeing who was out there.
Any other stories about what a guy shouldn't do?
I met Eric and we totally hit it off from the minute we met. I felt drawn to him actually. We went out on a spontaneous date and had a nice time. Unfortunately, every time after that when he would call and ask me out it would always be last minute. He'd call me at 3 or 4 in the afternoon to see if I wanted to get dinner or drinks that night. It always made me feel like I was a last resort or that there were not better options.
In closing, what qualities do women find attractive?
Everyone wants someone they are attracted to but it doesn't have to be the kind of attraction that you have towards the GQ model. I do like certain physical features on a guy, but here are a few things that are really attractive to me: drive/determination, confidence, a willingness to go after what you want, someone who is smart and can teach me new things, but is willing to learn from me as well, someone who can have a conversation about what is going on in the world, someone who communicates and -- very, very important -- someone who is emotionally available.